


Hold Me While I Overthink

by slotumn



Series: Wherever the Wind May Take Us [12]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, Banter, Character Study, Childhood Trauma, Existential Angst, F/M, Hook-Up, Introspection, Late Night Conversations, Loneliness, Mental Health Issues, Overthinking, Pining, Possibly OOC, Post-Golden Deer Route (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Stress, Stressed Claude von Riegan, no beta we die like Glenn, reality ensues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:16:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22724542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slotumn/pseuds/slotumn
Summary: Achilles and the tortoise paradox.A.K.A. Claude hooking up with his technically-not-official girlfriend at Fódlan's Locket then questioning his life and situation while overthinking as usual.
Relationships: Lysithea von Ordelia/Claude von Riegan
Series: Wherever the Wind May Take Us [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1593274
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	Hold Me While I Overthink

"...Dammit, today was a dangerous day."

"You're the one who didn't let me pull out, you know."

Another diplomatic meeting at Fódlan's Locket, another occasion where she followed her former classmates here, even though she didn't really need to, now that her family's renounced their claims to nobility. 

And another one of these...hookups, he supposed.

They were much better than the first time, because the bed was bigger and more comfortable and she didn't try to hide her face now, but he always felt a twinge of guilt after finishing, usually inside. Under normal circumstances, she probably would have gotten...

"Hmph. Be glad I know how to clean up afterwards, that's the only thing keeping you from getting caught up in an international scandal."

"Let's not make hasty assumptions here, I've got my own schemes for dealing with those."

Or more accurately, he had the thought that if she did get pregnant, that would make a good excuse to marry her right away instead of waiting to get everything in order.

...He knew he wouldn't actually let something like that happen. That was a surefire way to turn what should be a happy occasion into a chaotic, hellish affair for both of them. He'd find a way to make it work, as he always did, but that required the right timing and situation. 

Securing peace at the border alongside good relations with Fódlan, pushing those internal reforms regarding taxes, schooling, and care system for war orphans...

When all that was in motion, the people in court who hated him would...still hate his guts, probably disapprove that he's going to take a queen from Fódlan, but they wouldn't be able to justify it politically, and then he'd be able to relax a little bit, have some time for himself, get married--

"You look like you have a lot on your mind, Claude."

"When do I not? Always gotta think about the future of our countries, and...all that grand stuff."

"You sure don't seem to think when you make fun of me without considering how that might endanger your life immediately afterwards."

"I do, that's why I always carry around vulneraries and burn medicine!"

Her fists pounded his shoulders in frustration while he laughed. 

If only things like these were all there was to life, he thought, then I'd be happy. 

Not that he technically wasn't happy with the current situation. 

The war was over, it was a new beginning, an opportunity to make all those pipe dream ambitions come true. He was busy, yes, but this was what he always wanted. As the crown prince of Almyra, as the leader of the Alliance, as the King of Unification. All these titles and responsibilities used to feel too large, too heavy for him sometimes, but not anymore. He'd grown into them seamlessly. 

He had no reason to wish things could be different.

"Claude? You're blanking out."

"Ah...sorry, just, tired."

"Go to sleep and rest up now. You'll be busy tomorrow."

"That used to be my line, you know."

"Not anymore, if you keep calling me up at night like this."

He raised an eyebrow and gave a shit-eating grin.

"Should I stop?"

"D-don't twist my words!"

"Aw, you know I'm just kidding."

Of course he was, he'd probably go insane if he didn't get to see her after an endless day of negotiating.

Which made it sound like they were spouses or something, but the really fucked up part was, he didn't ever tell her he loved her after all they've been through, because of some weird neurosis about making the situation just right, wanting everything to go according to plan, not taking any unnecessary risks by saying it too early--

Too early my ass, he suddenly thought, we literally just had sex, can it really hurt to say a couple of words?

"Lys, I--"

"Good night. I'll see you tomorrow before I go home."

She kissed him on the cheek, a little too chastely considering what they'd done earlier, and then gathered her clothes. 

"...Yeah, good night. Sleep tight, don't let the ghosts--"

"Claude!!!!"

"Kidding, again. Good night, Lys."

The room seemed way too empty when she left. 

Empty, and lonely. 

God, it was preposterous that he felt lonely now, of all times. He didn't have to hide who he was anymore, he had family and friends on both sides of the border--

\--and they were all busy with their lives. When they met, it was mostly for politics and negotations. Like this one. 

And if he confided in them about what to do, about Lysithea, they would just tell him what he already knew. Secure your position and then propose.

That wouldn't solve the root of the issue at all, he realized, the issue being his, well, entire fucking existence.

But what the hell was he supposed to do, go out there and publicly announce, 

Hey guys--

I'm actually severely traumatized from everyone wanting me dead for no reason at a young age, 

Everything I've done since then is built on that one way or another, even unifying Fódlan and becoming king of Almyra, 

I can't distinguish between the titles others put on me and myself anymore, the mask I wear for convenience is now fused to my face and won't come off,

I have close friends and family now but the hole in my heart still doesn't get filled, 

I'm getting closer and closer to my goal but never reaching it like that fucking tortoise race paradox and it's about to burn me out,

Also I'm having girl problems,

Anyone wanna come lobotomize me so I stop thinking so much?

"...Hah."

Not a chance.

He observed the patterns in the ceiling for a while.

"It can't be a crime to dislike sleeping alone," the Master Tactician (what a title) muttered, before closing his eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote two angsty Claude pieces in a row, so I'll write angsty Lysitheas next
> 
> I think I really like these two because getting into their psyche and laying out their thought process is so intriguing. 
> 
> Also Claude getting burnt out is something I like to think happens after the ending at one point regardless of who he's paired (or not paired) with, but I'm kind of setting it up to hit harder than usual for these two. Because it's more fun (for me) that way.


End file.
